by Barb Abramson | Mar 18, 2015 |
Uh Oh, I just “caught” myself playing another game on the computer. It’s a jigsaw puzzle program that I use to inspire my creativity. At least that is what I tell myself. If I get stuck on a project, I slip over and put in just a few pieces. Ok, sometimes more than a few pieces.
But what I find happens when I step away too long, is that my project, writing and my focus slips behind. And that got me thinking about what else is lagging. What other things do I have on my to do list that I am not doing?
I’m not talking about the dishes or laundry. I’m talking about the commitments, both personal and professional I made that I know will improve my life. Exercise for one. Keeping that promise to myself to walk 20 minutes every day plus some stretching and toning exercises in my pursuit to get fit.
Organization is another one of my challenges. I have a stack of business cards to enter into my computer. Then there are emails to respond to and phone calls to keep track of and the calendars! Data entry is not my favorite task, but that aside, which program do I use. I have tried so many different ones that haven’t been the one with the bells and whistles I need. I’m not that complicated, but some of the programs or apps I have tried have been, and it overwhelms me.
But my biggest challenge is working from home. I look up and see a million things that need to be done from housework to home projects to the weeds creeping into the garden and I am distracted and diving into that puzzle once again.
It’s time for a new plan. One, that will keep me organized and productive. Because frankly, the plan I have (or really don’t have) is akin to being on a hamster wheel – I’m moving but getting nowhere.
Here are the 3 things that helped me get back on track.
Get An Accountability Partner- Find someone to hold you accountable, but make it a two-way street. If you can help them with something too, it becomes a win-win situation. It can be a task list or chart that you email daily or weekly. They don’t have to live next door. But if they do and they have the same goal you do (exercise for example) you might be able to meet to accomplish the goal together. This can work for any kind of activity – it’s just a matter of checking in and sharing your progress
Ask Others What Works For Them – Instead of trying out every new thing that comes along, or trying to evaluate all the options, ask your friends and colleagues what has worked for them and why. I finally found the perfect program to manage my contacts and projects with ease, simply by checking in with busy people who rely on products like these every day. It helped narrow down the choices to just a few to try out and I don’t have the overwhelm of too many choices on the menu anymore.
Work In An Environment Conducive To Getting Things Done – My home may be my castle, but it is not the best place for me to get work done that is not home related. While many people can work effectively from home, I know that I need a different scenario. Some people may find that inspiration in a busy coffee shop, others might seek out a co-op workspace or a library. I ended up joining a business club that has general as well as private work areas depending on what my needs are for the day. What matters is finding a place that suits your own style that allows you to be inspired, productive and feel good in the process.
Our lives get into a routine that can be exciting or feel boring and we often have to mix it up a bit. I’m not getting rid of my computer jigsaw puzzle just yet, but I don’t use it as a go-to excuse when I’m stuck. Instead, I look for inspiration with and from others and, by putting myself in a place where more inspiration happens.
Photo: Flickr
by Barb Abramson | Mar 16, 2015 |
I am sitting in my favorite chair, listening to the birds chirping madly away in their morning reverie and thinking of my dad. How he loved the birds that played in his back yard. He constructed feeders for them and would point out the cardinals and blue jays that would swoop in to eat, competing with the squirrels that thought the food was theirs.
I have so many great memories of times with my dad. He loved puzzles, road trips, cracking jokes, silly puns, and gardening. I love all those things too and truly wish I had spent more time with him in those activities.
Moving my parents to an Assisted Living Facility was life changing for both of them. The backyard birds, the gardening, their car, and many of the things dad loved went away. I left the bird feeders up at their place, but now wish I had brought them to my house.
When someone you love is ill, as my dad was with Alzheimer’s, you often forget about maximizing the time together. It’s easy to get caught up in caring for them while you are still running around maintaining your own schedule and busy life.
If I could spend some more time with my dad, I would carefully maximize every moment, even if it meant just hanging out together enjoying each other’s company.
Here are 3 things I wish I’d done to make most of my time with my dad.
Preserve the Memories
Journal their stories, or record an audio or video version. I wish I had used a tape or video recorder to capture his memories. I can’t pick up the phone to call him anymore to ask about a relative or event I am fuzzy on, or one I heard him tell me in my much younger days.
Create Meaningful Memories While You Can
Take the time to take that road trip or whatever activity is important to them. We get so caught up on our lives, with work and taking care of our home and running our own kids around. My dad wanted me to try out for Wheel of Fortune with him and I was too busy. What a memory that would have been!
Learn from Him
Dad love to woodwork and I have a charming cabinet he made. He was a bit of a handyman who also taught me how to hang wallpaper, change a tire and the oil in my car. But he always wanted me to learn to play Bridge, his favorite card game. He would travel to tournaments around Florida and sometimes to other states. I wish now I had learned to play from him and with him. We could have combined that hobby and a road trip and gone to a tournament together!
I realize now how precious my memories are. I think that is why I love to connect seniors to their memories.
My son and daughter-in law will be home in a few weeks. They along with my husband are big bowling fanatics and I’m not. But I decided to go with them to watch, laugh, take pictures and make some memories we can all cherish.
Previously published on The Good Men Project
Photo: Flickr
by Barb Abramson | Feb 18, 2015
I haven’t written a blog post in a while. I haven’t felt focused enough to settle down and finish the several posts I have started, and have been bouncing around from one to the next, not really accomplishing much.
My good friend and accountability partner, Doug Wagner, President of Sunwapta Solutions, suggested I write something light. He recommended not to try to go in too many directions; it would be like squeezing an uncut orange, the juices going everywhere.
In truth, I haven’t felt the juices flowing enough to squeeze out a full post, much less the rest of one. Instead, my mindset has been that of a stale, dried-up orange.
Then I thought about business. How we sometimes lose our focus and spin our wheels, never feeling accomplished, and left with a lingering dissatisfaction about where we are going.
My acupuncturist calls it rabbit energy – jumping from one thing to another — which may feel productive as you are “touching” a lot of points in your business, but you probably aren’t doing any of them well. This is the mode in which most mistakes happen.
While she was expertly poking needles into my elbows, hands, forehead and feet, (no it doesn’t hurt) we talked about what calm, smooth energy would feel like and decided on an ice skater gliding effortlessly from task to task.
In order to accomplish moving from frantic to smooth, I knew I had to change my mindset on how I approached my writing, work, and, if I am honest with myself, life.
Here are 3 Ways to Change Your Energy and Get More Done
Take a Stab at it – You Can Adjust if Necessary
Dixie Gillaspie, my very wise business coach and editor suggested to write sloppy, then go back and edit and clean it up later. Do a brain dump and get it on the paper. This is true with ideas for marketing and sales plans too, and the theory behind brainstorming sessions. All ideas are put forth. Often what results is a springboard effect with one idea bouncing off another. No wait, one idea gliding after another. Ahh, much better!
Eliminate Distractions
I can’t write when the TV is on, but music playing in the background is ok. Phone calls throw off my train of thought and social media, especially Facebook is a tempting siren. Know what works for you and what doesn’t and commit to a structured time block focussing on just one thing. Instead of trying to jump around and handle everything at once, pick one task and set a timer to work on it so that you can feel a sense of accomplishment. If you get in the groove and have the time to extend your focus, then do it!
Find a Human Trampoline
No, don’t jump on someone, but have a creative partner to bounce ideas off to get the ball (or orange) rolling. You may want to find an accountability partner and set goals and timelines. As Doug and I were discussing our orange analogy, we both ended up with something to show for it. You can read Doug’s creative post here.
Hey look, I just wrote a blog post! Orange ya glad I did! Yeah, I know – you’re probably groaning at the bad pun, but I’m suddenly smiling, feeling juicy and energized. Time to tackle those writing projects, one at a time!
Photo Credits: Flickr (Pietro Izzo,
by Barb Abramson | Jan 7, 2015 |
Have you heard about the guy that wanted a red Ferrari?
Story goes, it represented a symbol of success, of working hard and finally making it in the business world. He could visualize it parked in his driveway, for all the neighbors to drool over and turn green with envy when they drove by.
The red Ferrari would mean he had achieved a status that set him apart from others. It told the world that was not a failure.
He had to have that red Ferrari.
This guy worked hard. He worked days and often worked nights. He worked weekends and holidays, all in pursuit of his goal. He was exhausted, but consumed.
His wife and children rarely saw him. Family time that included Dad was almost non-existent. He was gone before they were awake and often came home after everyone else was in bed.
He was driven. Driven to drive that damn red Ferrari.
Not only would his neighbors be envious, so would his friends. They would all see that red Ferrari in the driveway and they would finally understand why he had worked so hard. His family would know that he did it all for them.
The guy was so tired, but he knew he would never accomplish his goals and his dreams without working as hard as he did. He was stressed, but so determined to drive that sleek red machine that was his symbol of success.
The thing is, his kids didn’t care about the car. All they wanted was their dad to throw the ball with them, to attend their soccer games and school play and to just hang out like their friends’ dads did. His wife didn’t care about the car either. She also was tired of raising the kids alone, of not going out as a couple like they used to, or as a family.
But there weren’t enough hours in the week for those “leisurely” activities. He barely slept, because his mind was always racing with all he had to do. Stress was his middle name.
One day, he found himself in a most unusual situation. His afternoon client cancelled and he had no one else scheduled. His reports were filed and his boss told him to go home.
Imagine his family’s response when he showed up. He played with his kids, ate dinner with his family, laughed and relaxed and had the best night’s sleep in a long time. The next day, he awoke rested, another feeling he had forgotten about.
He was so refreshed he discovered how much work he got done the following day. With a clear head, his focus was on point and he was amazed at how much he had accomplished.
The following week, he purposely scheduled an afternoon off and enjoyed more family time and again, was incredibly focused and productive at work. By the following week, he added a day on the weekend. He discovered his productivity at work increased 25% although he was working less. His family life increased even more.
In time, the guy made an important discovery. As he learned to take time for himself and his family, his ability to balance his life enabled him to achieve more – more money, more success, more quality family time, more rest, more focus and most important – he could finally afford that red Ferrari.
And suddenly, he didn’t want it any more!
Here are 3 things this guy wants you to know about life and work balance!
Success Isn’t a Thing
You will never feel fulfilled if you gauge your success by an object – the fanciest car or the biggest house. Yes, they represent wealth, but not necessarily success.
Giving Up Family For Business is a Lose/Lose Situation
You will never get back the time you could have spent with people that you love. Or have time to develop a relationship. You lose and they lose
Without Balance in Your Life, Your Health Will Suffer
The stress will never be worth it –a never have enough syndrome creates stress that can affect not only your sleep but your quality of life.
Having things does not equate to having a life. Money will purchase objects, but it won’t purchase the feeling of being fulfilled. That comes from within and from having others to share our lives with and create memories with. You can’t recreate what you miss out on.
Photo: Flickr
Previously published on TheGoodMenProject.com
by Barb Abramson | Dec 30, 2014
Several years ago, after coming to the painful realization that they could not take care of themselves any longer, I moved my parents to an assisted living facility.
I did my best to keep them in their home, hiring caregivers to come by daily for a few hours each day, which was all I could afford. I began cooking their meals and helping out as much as I could, grateful I already had power of attorney for both of them so I could pay their bills and handle other details of their lives. It was exhausting, even with help. Their expenses were greater than their income from pensions and social security. Dad was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. Mom had diabetes, congestive heart failure and was on oxygen. Life as they knew it had to change.
It took some time to adjust to the ALF, but I knew it was where they needed to be. Dad was eventually moved over to memory care as his disease progressed. I learned a lot about memories in the process which helped me to help others who are caring for people who have dementia.
They passed away within three months of each other. Now, nearly four years later, I have begun the process of sorting through all the extra things that ended up at my home after theirs was sold.
Clothes that would not fit in their much-smaller apartment now crowd my closets. Boxes of books and memories I wasn’t ready to explore or let go of still line the inside walls of my garage. The door to my back bedroom is kept closed to hide additional boxes stored there. More of their clothes are strewn on the hide-a-bed couch that used to accommodate guests before my parent’s surplus possessions overtook the comfy cushions
I finally reached the point of being ready to sift through some of the piles. Grief defies all things rational and rendered me unable to deal with the their things. It was painful to go through them, and yet I was grateful to have them.
I started with clothes that were on the couch; Dad’s suits, Mom’s dresses, and some various sweaters, blouses and shirts. Some of them were stained, from hanging in the closet too long, as well as from wear.
Looking at each piece of clothing was a journey down memory lane. A favorite dress of Mom’s, Dad’s wild floral tie I made him in the 7th grade because I am Jewish and didn’t want to make the class Christmas stocking.
Then I noticed the white paper peeking out from an inside pocket on one of Dad’s suit jackets. I pulled it out and unfolded the two pages that were stapled together. In my hands was a printout of Mapquest directions to a church in a neighboring city dated May, 2006. A friend of Dad’s had passed away. He had printed out directions to the funeral. In the pocket on the opposite side was the program from the funeral.
I began checking each item of clothing for hidden treasures. The next suit yielded another surprise. A spoof on a song that I grew up with – My Grandfather’s Clock, turned into My Grandfather’s Kit – written for my son Joel when he was a baby. Dad had put together an assortment of baby products and toys and written a little diddy to go with it. My dad the creative performer! Makes me smile thinking about it.
A man’s suit coat is fun to rummage through — there are so many pockets. Outside ones with flaps and more pockets nestled away on the inside.
As I continued exploring I found a candy wrapper, it’s contents long gone. He used to keep them in his pocket during Shabbat services in case he or mom had a scratchy throat or a cough. Speaking of services, two tickets for the High Holiday (Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur) the Jewish Holy Days. They are listed for the year 5767 in the Hebrew calendar, that would be 2006, more than eight years ago. Two finds from 2006. It must have been the last time he wore suits.
Another wrapper. Antacid tablets. I see any kind of antacid tablets today and still think of him. Dad had what he called a nervous stomach. I think it was just heartburn. He had a penchant for foods like garlic and onions.
A silver paper clip attached to a very young picture of one of my cousins. It is dated April, 1958, the year before I was born. Odd this was in his pocket. I wonder why he carried it with him.
A pen with the real estate company he worked for so many years ago printed on it. He sold us our first house and gifted us back his commission. A note in the same pocket (written with the pen?) to remember call the library about a book he had on reserve.
I would have loved to sit with Dad on the couch, chatting about the treasures I found and maybe pulling a story or two from him as we laughed about the paper clip and antacid wrapper. I wonder what the book was that he’d reserved, and if he ever read it.
It may seem silly to some, but for me, every memory I discovered in my father’s pockets made me smile and then miss him all the more.
You may also want to read: How Losing My Father to Alzheimer’s Helped Me Find Joy for Others
Photo: Flickr
Previously published on TheGoodMenProject.com
